Discovery: Season One, Episode Twelve

Star Trek Discovery
Season One, Episode Twelve
Vaulting Ambition
[original airdate: 01|21|2018]
[spoilers ahoy!]

cw: some graphic gore, some self-harm, extremely graphic torture flashbacks, as well as graphic disintegration

Take a drink when they snap Culber's neck in the intro. I swear to god, guys, this is unnecessary. Also I guess Klingon nipples are important to this too. And I dunno why but Mirror!Stamets really creeps me out. He has since he showed up in that one ep a million years ago. NO. Go away I don't like you.

Let's just start with Lorca looking sexy while also being battered and bruised. We know OP has problems, let's just get that out of the way now.

 Ooo interphasic space. That sounds neato. And of course the actual coordinates would be struck from the record. They wouldn't want anyone else breaking through. (  Interphase. )

DUDE ENOUGH OF YOUR FATE SHIT. Just because you've been summoned to the palace and that's where you need to be.... it's called coincidence sometimes sir. Lmao Michael sure ain't having your shit, and I'm pretty sure I am not either. Look, sometimes I think the concept of fate is cool and all, but it also gets old fast.

That's a pretty cool hypo, I must say. It'll make an excellent saber handle for my Mirrorverse Star Trek Gray Jedi costume. Ugh. I hate the idea that it leaves a spot. Didn't they make those so they didn't???? *cringe* At least the agonizer won't be so hard on him.

Woo, man I would be inspired if he grabbed my hand and gave me that speech, but we all know I'm biased. Of course, I'm pretty sure Michael's :| face literally comes from being terrified out of her mind, but yeah.

What's she afraid of? HER. And I do not blame her. Old wounds and all, among other things.

Damn Michael, that's fricken deep.

 ["Haven't you ever been afraid of a ghost?"]

HOLY SHIT THE CHARON IS AMAZING.

WTF even is that glowing ball of energy??? It's beautiful damn. Is this a cityship? The shuttle looks so TINY. (ps if you don't know, Charon is the guide down the Rivers Styx And Acheron to the Underworld. He drives the boat that takes you there] SO COOL.

 [ISS Holy Shit That's Amazing.]

Okay, at least Stamets seems to be improving??? *nervous* I'm pretty sure the universe admires Tilly's optimism, Saru. Dude you can't rush these things. You literally just said the man is in a coma. Now you want him to rush connect back to his own mind. 

Like, I get it, no one wants to be stuck somewhere that they can't get home that is literally like living a nightmare but also you can't just rush a man in a coma, geez.

Wait, medical emergency what? CULBER'S ALREADY DEAD. *quiet sobbing* Fix him? GEEZ SARU NO PRESSURE HUH?

Lmao I love you Paul Stamets. You walk around in some glowy place with spores and what look like space anenomes and you wanna know if it's the afterlife and if your Mirrorself is some narcissistic guide. You are a dork, sir.

It IS pretty, even with Creepersaurus Rex hanging over your shoulder.

 ["Is this Heaven?" "Yeah, and you're fuckin dead."]

TROLLED omg. That was hilarious. Creeper or not, that was really, really funny. There IS a God, and SHE is REALLY ANGRY WITH YOU. *snortcackle* Man that's some good shit. Yeah, Mirror!Stamets, that was classic.

Y'know, I feel like touching this guy isn't a good idea, but maybe that's me. Okay that was. Weird. Flash to a hallway when you touch him. MAYBE I WAS RIGHT. Hmmm okay I'll buy the mycelial network trying to make him feel at home BUT.

I don't trust you on that "accident" bit. That could be because I just don't fucking trust you, my guy. Even if it seems like he's somewhat right, I just. I can't trust this guy. Especially when the lights go wonky.

 [Turn the lights out. ~DRAMA~™]

OKAY THAT IS MUCH WORSE. IS THAT THE CORRUPTION??? And why do you keep looking at him like that Mirror!Stamets do you WANT him to get swept up in it? You just told him to avoid it.

[This week's nope is brought to you by]

DAMN this episode is intense already. Are we even ten minutes in yet? I'm sweating and it's not just the hot flashes.

*wheeze*

Damn the Charon is just so cool. And those titles. GEEZ. Does she sound badass enough? Her Most Imperial Majesty, Mother of the Fatherland, Overlord of Vulcan, Dominus of Kronos, Regina Andor, Emperor Philippa Georgiou Augustus Iaponius Centarius.

@_@

And that standing throne is literally the most bitchin throne you have ever seen.

  

 [I spent $1000 on Wish! Coolest lazy susan throne ever! No clickbait]

Man there is an edge to her. I like it. You can clearly tell her apart from her Prime universe counterpart (aside from her being, y'know, dead). It's cool though. And it must be so fun for Michelle Yeoh. Has she ever been a villain? Especially one this cool?

O M F G. This is the first time we see more Kelpiens other than Saru and Emperor Georgiou is like CHOOSE ONE.

I don't think this is for fighting. I'm not sure what it's for. "You should know what you want in a Kelpien". Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy I'm sobbing here and I don't know why. :C I don't think Michael can guess either. Hazarding off of earlier, is it a slave while she's here? I hope so.

I have a huge costume boner for her outfit though man, damn. That high collar, the draping cloak train of that cape... the ceremonial styled sword, though I bet she could kick your ass without it anyway.

                                            [Fricken costume porn. This is gorgeous, ok]

"You think, I'm gonna bow to you? I don't bow."

Man that fucking deadly wasp smile. She's trying to look so benign, but there's just this "i'm gonna murder your face" vibe. Goddamn what is she gonna do with him? Oh! She's going to smack the shit out of him with a tiny mace.

Wait aren't I supposed to be rooting for him? OOPSIE. Conflict of interest. "A fair price to pay for your vaulting ambition."

I LOVE A GOOD TITLE DROP.

Yes, the finest agonizer booth please Henry. For our guest. *clapclap*

I mean, I GUESS I should feel bad for Lorca, but then he's just going to be all hot and sweaty and beat up some more so then I'm just going to spritz myself here because I think it's time that we move on to the next part of this illustrious show.

And I am cringing inside right now. I mean yay you're happy but I'm gonna. Go. Now. How does she manage to be so creepy yet so hot? Ugh. I have problemsssss. So okay then I'm just gonna have you bring her to me.


Annnnnnd some creepy touchies. WTF was she like, her mom in this universe or what? HMMM. Opp I should have stayed two seconds longer. Apparently so. WELL THEN. Pretty sure that broke Michael a little. Or a lot.

Oh yeah. This guy.

Ash Tyler, suffering from being an active sleeper agent in the hands of Starfleet. Whee. Well, idk who this doctor is, but I like her. She's keeping her head fairly well during this insanity. (Thank god Stamets is in the spore chamber rn)

And then the real guy comes out for two seconds (is there a real Ash Tyler?) and man, Saru is handling this pretty well, ok. "Saru help me. Please." CRYING.

Oh cool I too love when the screams of my enemies underscore my dinner. (Okay it's just a scene transition, but) This is a sexy dining area though. It's very grand and elegant, and not too showy. Probably because it's meant to be private.

OH JESUS NO.

No you are not eating Kelpien. HOW DARE. Oh god that's why she chose him, isn't it? ISN'T IT? She chose that Kelpien dude for d i n n e r.

AND YOU GET TO EAT THE GANGLIA FROM MOMMY'S HAND.

Michael's face is just like "I'm gonna vomit. I can't vomit. This is the worst day of my life." Time to chew as fast as I can, pretend that I've never had a friend that was ever Kelpien, and drink this wine in hopes that I do not fail to fool this crazy mom of mine.

This scene is so tense.

Damn like. "I gave you everything." Apparently so. Here I am sweating again. I might need to spritz off, but not because it's hot. Damn poor Michael though, having to pretend like she's this toughass bitch that she has no idea how she really acts, and she canNOT let Georgiou figure out that she's NOT the real Michael for this universe.

OH SHIT. She pulled out the knife. LASJhaldsjhasldh. WHAT DO YOU KNOW.

Okay but did she really know that or is she just understandably paranoid because the entirety of the Mirrorverse is?

Well, at least Michael's puppyface is probably still appropriate, even here. But yeah a knife to your neck is definitely... definitely a thing here.

"Not so long ago now, it was Mother." Damn. I have the creepy crawlies now. What a heckin' delivery. Uh oh. She called the guards now what. *panic face*

NO YOU CAN'T EXECUTE MICHAEL NO. HOW DARE YOU.

OH YEAH THESE GUYS. *wheeze* I swear to god these scene changes are gonna be the death of me.

Look at Stamets being a nerd. LOOK AT HIM. Even his mirror counterpart is impressed. What a nerdy nerd. I love him.

You better believe it's something. Don't you lie. What's wrong with your implants, huh?

*GASP* WAS THAT CULBER OMG Forget mirrorboy and his overgrowth of angry mushrooms, FOLLOW THAT DEAD HUSBAND.

Do not tell me you didn't see him you lying liar. Follow him Stamets! Follow him! It must be important! Oh how dare you. Don't you tell him not to leave! No one cares if YOU'RE stuck there, Mirrorboy!

Oh shit she pulled out the sword.

*WHEEZE*

Wow. Michael's balls of tritanium are back. She was terrified earlier, now she's got that confident sass again. Even though Emperor Georgiou is about to lop of her head with a ceremonial sword.

Do you love her? Geez. That gave me CHILLS. Wow, Michael. Wow. She wasn't kidding about showing some steel. "You don't love me because you don't know me."

Hey is it really wise to be telling her you're not from the mirrorverse IN FRONT OF ALL HER COURT FOLKS?

I mean you must be really banking on her loving her Michael enough not to just. Laugh in your face and chop off your head, because damn. I mean I guess she might decide to keep you alive because you're not from here, but also she could. Y'know. Not.

Or that she'll be too fascinated by the existence (or former existence) of another her. Which might be enough. *crosses fingers*

HOLY SHIT. Fidget spinner of DEATH.

 [Guys she just killed like ten dudes with a fidget spinner]

 

LMAO After she kills them all she's like "Lord Eling can you keep a secret?" and he's like "which one the one where I wet my pants or the one where you found out there's a parallel universe" "Okay so get the mop and don't tell and you can be governor of somewhere pretty."

*WHEEZE*

Hello, Saru's hands. Shoving food into a brig cell. And that is L'Rell I see. Dammit L'Rell this is your fault, stop being creepy. You messed up a dude and now he's broken. (She's still pretty. Why is this show full of pretty people?)

Gotta love a fanatic.

Goddammit Saru, why are you a condescending dad? But seriously, you lost, L'Rell, and now you stand to lose both Voq and Tyler, because you're still stuck on all that.

And as she explains all of this shit, Saru looks absolutely horrified. (Man though, if they recreated Tyler, does that mean the actual Tyler is dead?)

I really don't think he approves of your methodology, there, L'Rell, if you're trying to convince him. He knows you ~liiiiiike~ Voq, and probably Tyler because he houses him, and you can't possibly just want him to die. At least, I think Saru thinks that.

Did he literally just do this?

And now we have Stamets running through the mists of the mycelial Discovery, screaming Hugh Culber's name. We're with you, sweetie. It's like those nightmares where you just can't quite catch up with the person. Hhhghgh.

Okay but why did you need a scare chord when the quarters (I guess?) opened?

OH OK IT'S BECAUSE THIS JUST TURNED INTO A HORROR MOVIE FOR THE MOMENT THANK YOU.

*drip*
*drip*
*SCWHOP*

Did that just.

Go up?

NOPE.

And then you try to leave and the door closes.

A man brushing his teeth should never be that terrifying. I jumped a good inch out of my chair, no lie. [Ugh Wilson Cruz is so pretty. Stop it.]

Oh god. He's the one that has to tell him. *sobbing* No... the worst way to find out is from the person who's dead. And the look on Stamets face of bewildered disbelief.

God I cannot win with this episode! Michael, politely begging Georgiou to help them leave, and she's like "Why should I?" "Because you cared for Burnham." *FREEZE*

Man, listening to her spit out words like "equality" and "freedom" like they're dirty words is just. Wow. "I will not let you infect us again." Man what happened before wow. (Also ps she scary)

So she knows what happened, and it fucked everyone up mentally. I can see why she doesn't want it to happen again. Even if she's pretending? Like she just doesn't want her universe infected with awesome. I mean sense.

Tearing each other apart? *shudder*

Displacement activated spore-hub drive. That just sounds SO cool. And it's such a long name, needs to be an acronym or something. DASHDrive. OMG. (i'm trademarking that)

I'm not so sure that's such a good idea. They really don't need to have access to those schematics! Oh is that so? Except you're like. Evil and shit. But okay. I guess you might be a woman of honor? Maybe??

OH HI L'RELL why are we here with you again??? Wow, so we're showing her that he's hurting himself because he's so fucked up. Eesh. I mean, it might help her get this to stop? If she knows how? But damn.

Come on, L'Rell, you gotta be able to do SOMETHING. "No."

Bitch, don't even try me, says Saru, and just throws Tyler in the cell with her. "This bitch injured. YEET."

(also all humor aside there are some very graphic torture flashbacks here, if you don't want to see them I suggest you look away from when he appears in the cell with her until 26:03)

Man, Saru is harsher than expected. But maybe it'll get through to her because it's clear she cares about him. Oh hey look it did. Damn he walks so gracefully though.

And now we've shut off the agonizer booth? Wait a tick. Didn't she say he was going to live a long, long time? What the heckin heck hell is happening here?

Why agonizer booths though? Why not just execute them? That seems like a funny way to deal with people? Build a wasteful amount of torture devices and then just. Leave them.

UH OH. "She was my sister." Oh man. What. "Admit what you did' "Or what?" Lmao for the moment, I agree. You'll stick a bug up my nose?

Hoo boy. Having to fake it in front of another mirrorverse person. More than one. At the same time. Um. Well. That was. Gross. I mean I guess if you're acting like you're from here it's a good line? "It's good to be the Captain." Ugh.

So he's not going to inject him with the parasite? 

I don't think he's gonna listen. I mean, just saying.

(also there is an extremely graphic moment from 28:06 to 28:17 with a healthy splatter.)

*WHEEZE*

And now we're in Sickbay again (christ this episode is long. It's ten minutes shorter than last week's but it feels ten years longer), and L'Rell has phasers on her while she tries to Power Glove her way around Tyler's head.

 [I have the power!!! Wait wrong franchise]

Oh no. This is going to be heartwrenching isn't it? She's talking to Voq. I'm gonna cry. Yup. Because's he's talking back with all the stuff that was ingrained in him, and I can't tell if he's aware while she lasers his brain or not.

Some pretty beautiful flashbacks after he lapses into English, and you see her letting go of Voq and mourning him with one of their mourning cries. *sobbing*

Cut to Culber and Stamets. I am getting no quarter with my emotions today. Okay screw you guys for needing to show us Culber getting his neck snapped AGAIN. *drinks*

"I thought it was a dream." "I wish it were."

Oh god it's HIM again. Mirrorboy. Go away! "Computer, play Kaseelian opera. The aria he loves. The one I hate." I LOVE YOU STAMETS precious boy. This really does give him a little closure, I guess? He can talk to his husband one last time? Even if Culber's right. It changes nothing.

Oh Stamets. I'm so sorry. You can't just go back. Even if you think you are. It's still just the mycelial network.

"This was always my favorite time with you." *aggressive crying* Oh my god. They're so soft. They're so. So soft. I mean. Domestic time is his favorite? Brushing their fricken teeth? SHUT UP. Soft gay boys are so good.

I love how he's like "my day was all shit" and Culber's like "nah fam. it's fine. you were always the smart boy. But now you gotta save the day, okay?" And he has the corruption too, oh no!

"The simplest way back is to open your eyes." LAJShalsdfjhasdf. And a loving kiss with swell of a gorgeous aria behind it. *SIGH*

Oh no. No you got Mirrorboy out too? Ugh. Well, I guess if he was fucking things up for the network, it's better if he's out of there but akjshdasldha.

WELL THAT'S BAD

And we're back to agony land after a short detour with The Emperor of Evil. "My sister loved you!" Wow, how dumb was your sister, bud? I mean, if this WAS who you thought he was... that was pretty bad. Damn that booth apparently goes to eleven, and he took him from a four to a NINE. Ouch. Even with that custom analgesic, he's gonna be crying later.

"I... trusted him with you." OH NO. Oh. Oh kajwshdalsdh. HE. He groomed. No. KLSJHDalsjkhd. UGH. I hate this Mirror!Lorca already and we haven't even met him. Oh I don't like these flashbacks. I'm uncomfortable.

"He said he would cross time and space to take back what was rightfully his."

[I crossed oceans or something]

I don't think I like where this is going. Neither does Michael. FUUUUUUUUCK. She's sensitive to light. So was he. SHIT SHIT SHIT.

Is he really Mirror!Lorca? Aklsjahdflafdh. If he is he can just stay in the fucking agony booth. Except now he's being taken out and shocked with shit and this is just really stupid. Shoulda turned the buzzer down, Jimbo. Not like you know he's got some magical pain balm running around in his veins, but seriously? Don't just grab the guy out when he looks faint.

WHAT. A. FUCKHEAD.

Holy shit. This episode was a fucking RIDE. There was a lot of graphic stuff this week, as well as snapping Culber's neck TWICE. No thank you, and despite being shorter, this episode had so much in it that this week's post is pretty long!

I'm gonna have to give it an 8.5 out of 10 because it's an actually pretty damn good episode. I am SO mad that Lorca is a mirrorverse fuckboi, and class-A asshole, but well. What a fricken twist, huh? I'm just mad they doubled the Culber stuff, which is why it doesn't get a better score.