Discovery: Season One, Episode Thirteen

Star Trek Discovery
Season One, Episode Thirteen What's Past is Prologue
[original airdate: 01|28|2018]
[spoilers ahoy!]

Wow, they don't usually do the intro right after the "what happened previously".

So this week's episode starts with Lorca somehow knowing how to open the agony booths and bragging about whatever shit he plans to do like anyone gives a shit about you now, asshole.

LOL "reclaim OUR empire" o rly when was it yours? She's been Emperor for a while now son, and until you're on that throne it ain't your empire. Bitch.

Aww, is Landry a bitch in this universe too? I HOPE SHE IS. "They told us you were dead." "And you believed them?" Aren't you fucking cocky sir. Yeah, you sure are. Landry is your freaking security officer, even here. She's trained in tactics, and you're an idiot. How you survived this long with that attitude, I don't even know.

Motherfucker don't you even start. "I've been to another universe do you think I'd come all this way without a plan?" Yes, I do think you would. You are a gigantic moron. I bet your plan consists of "kill everyone on the way to storming the throne room, try to grab the Emperor's sword to stab her, and hopefully succeed". You might've been good at the long con with Discovery, but you can't long con anymore. And no offense to Discovery, but Georgiou is wise to your bullshit.

[So I'm not the only one who doesn't like this asshole]

Damn, what a shame to know that he's actually a little on the clever side. But well, Mr Mirror!Stamets, maybe don't leave your work behind when you're trying to hide from someone. Especially when it seems like you should have known he hates you?

"I really hoped you were dead." "Well, you can't always get what you want…" Link

Sorry what?

Anyway, wow, so Mirror!Stamets sold you out. Why am I not surprised? I mean I don't like you but heck. Also I like how Lorca just.... expects Mirror!Stamets to know what the ion storm meant.

Dude, do you know how many ion storms have shown up in Star Trek? Of course you don't.

Oh jesus, you and your fucking "hand of destiny" bullshit. Although... *rubs chin thoughtfully* that sounds like an artifact from like, Indiana Jones or Warehouse 13 or something.

Wow, shit. That "bioweapon" is pretty gross. Warning: graphic seizures and foaming at the mouth. I mean, I guess it works fast? *cringe*

 [Seriously she is not impressed]

Well she's certainly unimpressed with your efforts, there, Lorca. Also I mean Mirror!Owosekun has Uhura levels of eyeliner going on here. Pretty sure she could cut a bitch. Namely, Lorca, if he gets too close.

Aw Michael... I'm pretty sure she knows all of what you're saying, but it's sweet you want to protect her. Don't wanna lose another Georgiou I expect. Daaaaaamn she is not happy AT all.

DAMN MICHAEL. I mean, responding to "your choices have determined your fate" with fighting and guns is super relatable to anyone who read Choose Your Own Adventure books back in the day but

Damn.

 [click to read text]

Yeah no one's surprised she wants to kill him herself. Then you can be sure he's dead and all. She gon swat him like a fly, I bet.

Oh right. Discovery's still in this. I love me some warp bubbles. I'm so glad Stamets recovered, but I am SUPER SAD that their mycelial forest is dead.

*cries in space mushrooms*

 [yes this really throws everything off.]

WOW so this is definitely a commentary on sustainable energy and stuff. Not that I'm surprised, Trek has been a commentary on what's going on in the world since 1966.

Damn the shade tho. I mean. If it got any shadier, we'd have to turn on a fucking light.

Ah, Lorca just wanting to push the humans are superior bullshit. LOL ok, trying to manipulate Georgiou by saying Michael was ashamed of her. O.K sir, I mean she's dead so you can say whatever you want. Ew sir. No one needed to know that was "pillow talk" you great oaf.

Make the Empire glorious again. ARE YOU KIDDING ME LMAO.

 [*GAG*][Sorry Jason I love you]

Also I love that she straight up tracks his stupid ass when he's bragging about what he plans to do because he's the clearly That Guy and she's the Pragmatist so she's going to use his desire to be a fucking windbag to catch him.

"Lorca does not control this ship. I do." All hail the Emperor indeed.

Man it is nice seeing them working so well with her, just because I really like seeing competent bad guys, y'know? Yikes, what happened to Mirror!Owosekun? Her armor is splattered with something and she looks terrified. Oh. It's blood. And now we know why she was so scared...... because now she's fucking ash.

Lol that was pretty damn funny I have to admit, all of the phasers coming on one after another for like... eight of them.

 [literally my first thought]

Conceited enough to call her Pippa too. Damn, Gabriel. You might be hot but you are so fucking arrogant. And disgusting but we're not talking about that here.

Oh shit, that was a hella camera shot there, following the energy bolt from the phaser till it burst on the surprise! forcefield. Nice, nice. Also the auto-phasers along the walls are pretty fricken rad too. Shame they could be overpowered easily, but still. Noice.

I do like seeing smart moves, she covers her eyes from the flash grenade. And it's interesting, their phasers leave wounds but kill... but Lorca's group seems to have disruptors of some kind, though they look the same. Maybe it's just a higher setting?

[That architecture tho.]

I dunno why I like this but I do. Also gives you a glimpse of the amazing architecture of the Charon. If I wasn't doing an episode, I would be sitting here posting about 300 pictures just focusing on that.

HI SARU. Lawd everyone trading gazes. I am deceased. The entire fucking bridge crew is just sitting here turning to look at each other.

Literally no one: ...
The bridge crew:

  

Dammit Saru, you're in serious danger, and you're worried about Michael (I mean same, but). And then she finds out about that supermycelial reactor and well. Same, tbh. This is a damned if you do and damned if you don't kinda thing. Apparently the answer is to blow shit up.

DUDE SHUT UP ABOUT DESTINY. lmao your lack of vision continues to disappoint me. Okay who let him have that sword? Nothing was an accident huh? Nothing? I guess you don't believe in coincidences, cuz damn. "I'm living proof that Fate is real." OKAY sweetie.

Lorca: FATE IS REAL
Everybody else:

Uh oh. I think it's time to say goodbye, Mirrorboy! Because apparently you've Outlived Your Usefulness. Sorry. I guess you could call that clever? Threaten to throw him in and then shoot him? *shrug*

SHE IS NOT YOUR BURNHAM. Bitch.

Lol it's so funny how he thinks he knows her. What an arrogant fucking prick. Lmao "the real world". It's a parallel universe, sweetheart, it's no more or less real than any other. This ain't Inception.

God this guy is such a pain to listen to. Seriously, I am cringing. There are people in our world who think like this. It's gross. Don't bring her into your lunacy sir. Don't you dare. Also damn you talk a lot, son.

Like seriously, are you hoping to distract her, someone you really want to claim is like 100 times better than someone you just told her was the best of everything and no one like her, well. If she's so smart she ain't falling for your...trick. One trick. Of talking a whole fucking lot.

Well at least someone knows someone on this damn ship. And Michael is definitely not believing in this fate crap. I like how she manages to convince Georgiou that she might just be able to actually stop Lorca.

I meant shit, I think she might've convinced me, too.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S A PROBLEM. Whoa okay, making spore warheads is actually kinda cool. Scary, but cool. Oh, oh no. Okay that's definitely a problem, that you have to use it all and that means you're stuck there. But it does mean that the network wouldn't be corrupted so badly that the multiverses were all destroyed.

Mmm of course you won't be able to survive the blast. I mean, if we're doing this, we're doing this all the way, and THAT IS DEFINITELY ALL THE WAY.

Oh yes, it's time for Saru to make a speech! Goddamn that is some inspiring and uplifting shit right there.

Nobody: ...
Saru:

"So we killed a bunch of guys... and after they finished wetting their pants, the survivors totally are following you now, sir." Well yeah, I mean, what else are you gonna do?

And here's Michael. Gee I wonder how this is going to work out. (Actually I 'm super excited to see where this goes.)

OoooOOOOooo this is getting interesting! Saying that all that needs to happen is that he needs to execute the Emperor. I feel like this is going to be interesting.

Eugh, his reaction when she said "I offer you me".... *shudder* His little intake of breath..... that's some acting I tell you what.

Also just. The fact that he's just so arrogant that he doesn't think anybody could possibly be fucking with him. I am so glad she only offered her mind, though. Okay, he's slightly smart, taking away the phaser. But idk, thinking Philippa on her knees is really her subdued... I think that's a bad move.

"No, I'm destined to kill you." That is the appropriate response to his bullshit, yes. And they just laugh about it. Fffffff literally the worst welcome home I've ever heard, thanks.

 ["and then it goes kaboom!"]

HI TILLY. Man she's just so HAPPY. This is why you don't accept no-win scenarios dude. And if they really can stay on that shockwave..... oooh that would be good. And Stamets idea of using the warp bubble. This is good this is good!

Infinite pathways. That sounds... Hard. Yeah. But Stamets doesn't accept no-win scenarios either. Aaaaaaaaaa "thank you for your inspiration, Cadet." BYE.

HUH OH wait no. It's Lorca??? On the screen hailing you? NO. Go away. No one likes you.

 God. He still talks so fucking much. Jesus Christ you really love the sound of your own voice, don't you, Gabriel. And then Saru cuts him off because Saru will have none of his shit.

It's like

Shut. 👏 The. 👏. Fuck. 👏 Up. 👏

I would do that if I were on the bridge and I would be dead. Like, every time someone wouldn't shut up, like Harry Mudd, or this asshole, and I'd do that, and I'd be shot. They'd have to just resurrect me or something.

Man, the sass from Saru. He is really having none of your shit today, Lorca. Man, that building music that bursts into a fight scene. HERE FOR IT.

Aww yeah, Saru shouting FIRE like he really fricken means it, and they disrupt everything! Yesssssss!

I don't know which is hotter, Michael rising out of the flames with determination on her face, or the roaring sounds over Georgiou striding out of them. *fans self*

[So much sexy.]

Man watching them kick ass is so good. Especially when dear bewildered Lorca comes struggling out of the pile of bodies to be confused at them. I'm really not sure OP is going to survive this slow motion series of fights between Michelle Yeoh and Jason Isaacs here. I'm sweating already and they only just started with this loving shot of her striding toward him to fuck his shit up.

And then we have Michael going toe to toe with Landry. Please kick her ass, thank you.

Twice as good when you get to see both fights happening concurrently. Mmmm.

Wait. Did she just kick him in the fucking face? Jesus H.

[she sure fuckin did]

And then she dodges a phaser burst too? I think I'm in love.

Did he just cut Landry? I mean I know he's obsessed with Michael but damn, she's like his right hand man, and he just fucking sliced her back open. Shit. At least now he gets to wear Georgiou's knife like a badge of honor. No no, just leave it. It suits you. You backstabbing cunt.

Except she just fucking kicks that shit away too. 

Lmao they just punched each other at the same time. (I like how they are literally fighting over the throne.)

No I don't think Michael's gonna listen to you, Lorca. She doesn't like you, even if you think you can stop her 'cause you don't want to hurt her. Mmm yes, beat his freaking ass.

That's right, you dumbass, all you had to do was ask. Instead of ruining their lives and manipulating them. >_> Fuckboi.

HA omfg. Michael might not kill you but--

 [don't think a bandaid's gonna fix that.]

Georgiou will. We what. Could have ruled the universe together? This ain't Star Wars son. Well, if you had any hope that he might survive and be changed, the answer is disintegration. Because Georgiou was taking no fucking chances, and kicked this bitch into the sun. YEET.

Oh no. Not the feels train. Philippa stop that. No feels. Man, mad respect though. "I will die on my feet. As befits my station."

Oh shit. Oh shit oh shit she just-- goddammit! They borrowed more shit from the Kelvinverse (and earlier when L'Rell came on with Tyler, they borrowed it then too) and took two people with one transporter beam. [Did they ever do this in any other part of the series?]

Also how tf does she end up on a separate pad? I mean seriously they should be mashed together. As Georgiou glares at her.

BLACK ALERT. 

OMFG ARE THEY GONNA RAM IT WHAT THE HELL yeah I'd like to know that one too, Landry. WTF.

OMG. They just. Shot the orb-sun-thing and then flew THROUGH it, and then it exploded and-and-

AND.

THEY REALLY ARE RIDING THE ENERGY WAVE holy shit.

And they jumped. And. And. What now.

 [so pretty]

Damn this just got trippy af. I mean this is like that one part in Dr Strange. You know the one. Or like. The Doctor Who intro. I mean, it's definitely it's own thing but. It's amazing. (And it's working!)

Oh no. Don't tell me it's splitting too fast. Please don't tell me that. I- is that Culber? And- he's following the music to get back. *sobbing*

*WHEEZE* Are they home??? (Did Tilly just get a friend or--? wth with that green spore)

Welp. Someone ain't happy about being here. Dammit Philippa, you could at least be grateful.

Oh so they are home. *deflate* That's relieving. NINE MONTHS??? Oh god what happened to the war??

 [Well shit.]

OMG what a freaking episode. I feel like I was here for days. @_@ This was really good, none of the Culber things from last time so I can give this a 9.5/10. I loved. It. It was good with pacing and tension without going crazy with it. It did make me salty but who's surprised.