TAS: Season One, Episode Six

 

 

 

Star Trek

The Animated Series

Season One, Episode Six The Survivor
[original airdate: 10|13|1973]
[spoilers ahoy!]

 

 

         I do love the intro music to this show. It's different than the others (cue me going and finding every TOS era theme on youtube), and I dunno, I just like it.

[So we start out with a disabled ship near the Romulan neutral zone]

 

        Speak up Jimbo, I didn't think meteors swarmed... am I gonna have to crank the volume on this mono sountrack? Captions say... *squints*

[Welp.]

        First of all, I wanna know why it's so shocking that the person is still alive... not counting the fact of who it's supposed to be. Just. "The single occupant may still be alive".... this is because they couldn't really draw the damage, isn't it? Costs, they'll get ya down.

        Y'know, this goes to show just how different Trek is now than it was in 1963. Missing for 5 years actually meant something. Now I'm just like... "oh, really? Try missing for twenty-five years and then we'll talk."

 

        

 [Incredible that he's essentially the entirety of the 70s right there.]

 

        Also I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that this is why shit happens, because y'all just beam some schmuck over to your ship. You didn't even talk to the guy. Even TOS got that part right. (The talking anyway. I swear the intelligent idea of quarantining someone who came on board didn't even happen often on later shows. >_>)

 

        So basically he's some rich white guy in space. Got it. I think the onyx tie tack gave it away.

    *GASP*

        HIS FIANCE?

        I like how pissed McCoy is about Spock trying to make sure it's him. XD! I mean, you watch TNG, you watch DS9, you want to just grab McCoy and give him a good shake! He could be ANYbody. He could be Q! He could be a changeling! He could be your mom! Wait no. But really Spock HOW DARE YOU QUESTION HIM

[wrong McCoy]

[of all the cold-blooded... wait, wrong universe]

[Spock you insensitive Vulcan]

        Calm down Bones, the guy is willing to hand it over, and besides, just because you like him doesn't mean that they shouldn't ID him for buying liquor. I mean coming aboard the Enterprise. You of all people should know this, even if he prevented your kid from dying of starvation once.

        I mean, he sounds great, he's a regular Bill Gates, amassing fortunes and then squandering it on the poor... I mean. *cough. We all love a man who makes tons of money, buys ascots, and gives his money to the needy. Why am I suspicious? *squint*

    [Kirk the fanboy, apparently. Still pretty]

 

 

THIS INSTRUMENT SEEMS A LITTLE OFF?  

 

 

        Yes, let's make excuses for the machinery picking up something unusual, because we're too much of a fanboy to make logical sense here. I mean, this is realistic, but still.

        "I fully intended to come back and marry you but--"

        Dude you sound like Harry Mudd.

    Changed? *suspicious look* And surgery? Look dude, I've had surgery, it ain't no thing. You can't tell me that your entire being--

        "After they put me together..." 

 

    
         And now, suddenly, he's like "oop sorry babe, it's over between us, despite the fact that you had a candle for me for five fricken years, bye". Like, what, you can't even tell her? Seriously? Dick.

         And that was when Patty Anne disassociated

 

[I mean, I do feel bad for her but]

     

        "Why no you're not intruding Mr Winston, not waiting until I actually tell you that you can come in, and just looming over my shoulder from an unsafe distance. Of course not, please come in even though you already are."

        God I love how bad the animation is. Let's just zoom in on Kirk's eye, and Winston's confused face, and then just. Stand there staring the camera down. A+ 

          JFC what

 

That's like the worst Wonder Woman transformation.

     

[Instead of Lynda Carter ]

 

                    [you get a red, multi-eyed version of those guys from the Simpsons]

 

        AND KIRK DOESN'T EVEN NOTICE. Like ok I swear to god, they just need to stop with those sounds that are only supposed to indicate to the audience that something is up. Because wtf I am sitting here wondering how Kirk doesn't notice anything. Like, bro are you stupid? Blind? Dense as fuck? How are you missing the flashing light and high pitched noise? 

        Are you suffering from Star Trek Syndrome? Do you dismiss every weird noise and light because this is absolutely normal to you? Try a Five Year Mission™ today!

         Ah, Kirk's moment of realization that this episode just got kinky before he passed out.

 

[his face is sending me]

[crying laughing emoji]

        

     Aaaaand he takes him straight to bed. OK I WAS JOKING. Come on now. And now Wonder Woman the tentacley alien is now Kirk. WHAT IS HAPPENING.

            "Some are off and some are not, but it HAS to be our error!" LISTEN. I swear to god, these people are so dense, I want to just use that Syndrome meme, but you know, I'm trying to be the bigger blogger here and not just meme everything in this episode.

    THROUGH THE ROMULAN NEUTRAL ZONE SIR?

    Thank god, finally someone with some hecking sense. Thank you, Mr Sulu. 

    FAKE!KIRK Don't you dare, I know what you're up to, you sneaky alien sneak.

      ....What's in "the zone" Mr Spock? Is it the.....

    

        "The shortest way possible"... through the Romulan Neutral Zone... past a "trading vessel", and maybe even getting the ship confiscated. AND he said there were NO Romulans last week! Surely there wouldn't be any now! Even though Spock literally just said there was a "trading vessel"... were you even listening you incompetent cow?

 

     So he literally just walked in here to make trouble. Spock be like 

 

         Oh shit son, is that the real Kirk? NOW WHAT

 

         "I believe that was the reason you gave, Captain." Spock is not having your shit, Kirk. And now we proceed to watch a video of fake!Kirk... you know that would be super useful at any other time except you know, that it's only available when plot convenient AND only on TAS. Unfair.

        WATCH OUT DOCTOR.

        IT'S NEGA WONDERWOMAN!

[He's so shocked his crinkles left]

         

        I guess it wasn't the instruments after all.

        Oh noes, they used a Dutch angle! This is bad, that means that's fake!McCoy! RUN ANNE RUN! (And this is one of the times I feel for the fact that Nichelle Nichols, James Doohan, and Majel Barrett basically ran the voice talent).

         Ooooh snap. "If he has asked you to forget him then I suggest you take that advice." I mean, he's not wrong, IRL after five years if someone says it's time to move on, maybe you should. But you know, that's not romaaaaaantic.

 

        "I need a complete medical examination, something's happened."

 

[REALLY???]

WAIT

HOLD UP

MCCOY IS

MY C

HE IS STANDING BUT THEN HE IS SITTING BUT THEN HE IS STANDING

 [Continuity? Never heard of her.]

 

         Spock is absolutely done with your shit, Fake!McCoy. Like, Spock is done with everyone's shit. The Lord is testing him. Again. This entire episode should have been called The Lord is Testing Spock.

 

        Thank god someone noticed that Bones is completely ooc. 

 

        Ok like, guys, you've already made this episode uncomfortable enough, Bones making noises from the other room as he comes to is just. Nope. Thank you.

 

        "Doctor, you are a man of curious habits, but I have never known you to nap on the laboratory floor."

 

 

         Damn wtf??? Kirk is there something you'd like to tell me? How the heck does HE know that something's up? Even Spock doesn't get it and the man is practically telepathic. I mean come on, it's how Vulcans are. I know, I know he's half, but come on.

        WHAT IS HAPPENING. 

        Although you have to admit, scoldy!Kirk with hands on hips is... well. You can judge for yourself.

 

[Listen here, third bed that Spock didn't notice]

            HOW THE FRICK DID YOU MISS THAT SPOCK YOU IGNORANT BITCH

 

[I said I wouldn't. They made me do it.]

 

        KIRK SLKJDHSLDHSD WHAT THE HCK ARE YOU THREATENING TO THROW ACID ON SOME ALIEN DUDE OMG

        

        Yeah I'm pretty sure no one believes it, Dr McCoy, and we all saw it too. >_> (Also shut up Spock, you don't get to flex your knowledge after you missed an entire unnecessary bed)

        Damn it overpowered everybody! Even Spock! At least it didn't do the tentacle nerve pinch from earlier. Or really the

        ANYWAY.

        Damn I predicted this at the beginning! I knew he could be somebody else and now they're like "oops he can take any form, guess his credentials weren't real!" or at least they were stolen. It's like that guy with the fake ID that doesn't really look like him but you don't look too hard and then WHOOPS HE'S GONNA STEAL YOUR SHIP.

    

["It isn't hard to guess who the intruder is" like, damn Anne, burn]

        Seriously though, I like that she didn't end up shooting him because she was shocked he knocked the gun out of her hand, and not because she couldn't do it because she loved him. Like, the same damn reason for hesitating. Even if they look like your partner they're not. 

 

Oh. Never mind.

 

 

    IT GOT WORSE??

[Captain's Log, supplemental: I'm an insufferable twat and recording a log

 while the Romulans are headed straight for us.]

        Like, I guess I get it, but like, the Neutral Zone is a band. It's longer than it is wide. Why is it impossible to leave it quickly at warp 8? Obviously, plot convenience. It's just really funny that Kirk basically decided to write in his diary when danger cropped up and there's a... y'know... dangerous alien on the ship.

But you know, let's cut to him being scolded by one a blond Romulan who looks like an extra member of BTS.

[Is he related to the commander from The Enterprise Incident, or is he just Jimin's cousin?]

[Shit, I was kidding. Goddammit not again.]

     Look, I am a Kirk fan, but like, Romulan dude pls don't trust him when he says "I'd like a moment to inform my crew. HE IS UP TO SOMETHING GIRL.

     ALSO KIRK, RUN.

    You know... I feel like they knew you were there because you were there for a while. I mean obviously this plot is probably going to be like "oh yes the Romulans were evil little pointy eared bastards they wanted the ship so they... hired... this weird tentacle shapeshifting alien to play as bait and he's totes a Romulan spy. So is he Tal Shiar, or Zhat Vash? >_>

    "I assume you are ready to turn your ship over to us."

    Kirk be like

    I will not make the Hamilton joke, I will not make the Hamilton joke...

SO. He admires Kirk's courage huh? Fascinating. *Spock brow* Oh

OH

OH YOU DID NOT JUST

YOU DID NOT JUST TRY TO GASLIGHT CAPTAIN KIRK

        I WILL NOT. SURRENDER MY SHIP.

 

        wtf apprently the tentacle grip works in human form too? THEN WHY DID YOU NEED TO SHIFT FORMS YOU BASTARD (plot hole) Poor Scotty. :C

[He'll make a fine Superman someday]

    Gotta love how this guy is just. Yanking on cables that all look suspiciously like noodles. Guess they couldn't be fucked to color them with a few extra colors like red or green or blue.

    CAPTAIN THE NOODLES ARE COMPROMISING OUR SYSTEMS SIR

  Well that was the least tense scene ever.

 

        

     OOO THE NOODLES HAVE TURNED BLACK ARE THEY EVIL NOODLES NOW

        Have you learned your lesson this time, Anne? HAVE YOU? 

        "He did love you"

        SHOOT HIM ANNE

        LOL okay that's like, impossible. You're just pretending to be him, you're not him. You can't just magically pick up his emotions when it's not his body. Okay look I know Trek stretches credulity sometimes but seriously?

        Anne. Seriously. Shoot his ass. He is stalling. He doesn't love you. He was never your husband, he's just pretending to be. This is FAKE. 1 out of 4 Romulan ambassadors agree.

        Be honest Anne, this isn't Galaxy Quest. Just the show that inspired it.

        And then Kirk shows up, and I was relieved for two seconds, but then of course, the Romulans fire on the Enterprise, and alien boy was able to stay on his feet while everyone else was tossed around. 

        Dammit Anne.

        There is something just hilarious about this exchange: "That's just one shield!" "But it IS between us and the Romulans". What, do y'all have like, modular shielding or what? Is this a plot problem again?

        LOL at Anne just standing there on the bridge while everything is going to shit. Like you don't even belong here. 

       Hold up. HOLD ON UP. EXCUSE ME. HOLD. UP.

        Are we implying, nay, are we outright saying that the alien fixed two hours worth of damage in 5 seconds?

        "It is not outside the realm of probability..." Dammit I hate when what I'm watching answers me. IT IS OUTSIDE OF IT SPOCK YOU DONT UNDERSTAND. 

        Once again. Sigh. Once again they use the fact that he can randomly turn into something, wtf. Did he just teleport outside, turn into the deflector shield and what. Teleport onto the turbolift.

        "What manner of beastie is this?" Lord who wrote this.

        Ahhh yes, I can't make the babies so I am utterly useless. And somehow the Romulans' offer was... of value. How? What did they tell you? That you would be worth something if you harmed some people and gave you their ship? JFC Use ya damn brain.

        

[The alien dude right now]

        Okay so he couldn't let it happen because he was too....human. Basically. Despite the fact that literally we've already discussed that this is fricken impossible. He's not wearing Carter Winston. He's not possessing him. He spent a year around him. He can't just magically BECOME Carter Winston. Christ people if you had just said "I spent enough time around him, and being reunited with Anne... it reminded me that he loved life... and maybe I should too."

        Instead of this. This.

             Ahahahaha omg. So if you commit a crime in the Trek universe, just be sure to save the Enterprise! Then your sentence will be lessened even though you did horrible, terrible things. SMH.

      OMW. Kirk don't you dare assign her to that. DONT YOU DARE. She's failed every time. EVERY TIME. If he causes trouble, she'll just stand there and look sad.Kirk you dipshit.

    OMG SPOCK. "Two Doctor McCoys might bring the medical effiency on this ship up to acceptable levels." 

      

    

     Okay this episode is. It's okay. It might be the worst one currently but I'm 100% sure this is not the worst of them. I think I'm going to give this episode a 4/10.