TAS: Season One, Episode Three

Star Trek

The Animated Series
Season One, Episode Three
One of Our Planets Is Missing
[original airdate: 09|22|1973]
[spoilers ahoy!]

Not sure if this title sounds ominous or hilarious. Off to a good start, I suppose. So they didn't start orbiting a red planet, this is good. A huge cosmic cloud? Is this starting out to be a horror movie?

 [like this, but galactic]

"Nothing like this has ever been seen before." Tactfully hides the TOS episode Obsession behind back. Yes of course. Mantilles? Greater or Lesser? *cough*

It's a cloud, Spock, it's going to be irregularly shaped. Some.... obscene length and width, to which someone ~always~ says "WOW THATS BIG". No shit.

"A strange combination of matter and energy." Like, what, I dunno, a CLOUD? Yeah yeah shhh I know he's trying to be mysterious and the cloud is supposed to be mysterious.

Okay, I take it back, that is definitely mysterious. One of the planets can't be scanned? Yikes. And the cloud is red which is creepy anyway (and makes me think of the color of helium gas), so that doesn't help.

"Captain, the cloud has engulfed Alondra. It seems to be breaking up. It is definitely growing smaller."

NEVER MIND I DON'T WANT TO GO ON THIS MISSION. Wait, it's turning??? LIKE IT HAS A BRAIN?? GURL BYE

MANTILLES WILL DIE.

[this is not as ridiculous as it gets]

Yeah no shit Kirk, it's not like you can just fire torpedoes at a cloud. LMAO Spock, why the frick did you compare it to an amoeba? You could have literally compared it to anything. Ugh. At least you're smart enough to realize that maybe they should you know. Try to tell this planet.

Uh oh. Elements unknown on our periodic tables. That's not good! (Quick Watson, print a fresh one so we can add new elements!) I sure hope it's come from outside our galaxy, or this episode's title needs to be changed. (Also wtf it sounds mostly humorous, like you lost it in the wash or something)

And now it's like ensnaring the ship. That's legit not okay. And not letting go. GREAT. Yeah I'm not sure that firing phasers is a good idea, Kirk. JUST SAYIN

NO EFFECT.

OKay so. Shaking hard enough to make the lights dim, and to knock down crewmen, but not enough to shake people out of their seats on the bridge. How is this possible?! Is there velcro?!

Objects approaching that look like floating brains. (Is Spock's in here?) Well, the ones approaching from aft look metal, so maybe not.

Okay not cool. Antimatter did nothing. Although now they look like spaghetti balls. Wow, a double charge made them break up!

THE CLOUD IS ALIVE

Oh geez. Nobody wants to be digestible particles, that's for sure.

It's awfully plot-convenient to be able to receive that radio message inside this cloud, but okay. "It's not enough." Yeah no shite there Mayorboy, it's 100% not enough time to I dunno evacuate a planet.

I suppose saving the children makes sense.

Spock, I think your bull analogy is a little weird. (Couldn't you have picked say, horse?)

Yes, please, let's see what we have about the cloud's composition Captain FACE. It's not like they already made scenes with Uhura over Kirk's shoulder or anything that they can reference. (I told you that it'd get worse as the series progressed)

 [Kirkface]

I am LAUGHING over the fact that they show the screen with the weird brain-looking cloud on the screen, go to Kirk's face, then Spock and McCoy, and then back before anyone says a word.

"It seems to have some kind of..... anatomy."

If it's anything like you say, you went in the mouth and you're about to go out the ass. Just sayin'.

At least it's a smart move to give it indigestion (or whatever equivalent) hopefully so it won't eat that planet.

Well this part is stressful to say the least.

 [This mission is not stress free]

Okay that's all well and good Bones, but what the heck are the explosions then??? Well I dunno but if y'all get touchy here, you gon die.

With 21 minutes of power that seems to be very, very rapidly draining? This is going to be really really difficult.

[The deflectors during the rest of this part]

YES SCOTTY LETS JUST GRAB A PIECE OF THAT INSANELY EXPLOSIVE THING AND SHOVE IT INTO THE ENGINE CORE.

Jfc man, are you nuts? I mean theoretically it's sound but. If you touch it, you gonna go boom. So how do you propose we manage that?

And people complain about Scotty doing transport during warp in the Kelvinverse. Scotty is like "oh nah I can just make a box and transport this ridiculously explosive thing into it, it'll be fine captain." Oh and do it by remote control.

        [Scotty deciding this is a good idea.]

>__>

I know this next bit is supposed to be all tense and stuff because they juuuust beamed in the antimatter thing and it IS dangerous, and they don't have much time left and all but all I can think about is that Scotty looks like he's about to give Kirk an ear exam.

 [Aye your ear is just fine, Cap'n]

I don't know what I'm looking at, maybe antimatter injectors? But they are SO COOL. WTF why did they RUN AWAY after shoving it into the room??

Okay maybe those aren't antimatter injectors? They went dark and that was okay? @_@ I am confuse.

What's really insane is that somehow all of that took them almost two freaking hours. God, they're not even through the core yet. @_@ Oh well I guess.

Annnnd it's moral conundrum o'clock in here. Spock, it's not just about the rules you know (he knows). SAVE MANTILLES.

Oh cool. It's brain is so big this isn't really a question anymore anyway. WHEW.

Wait. You basically want them to just. Suicide run? Spock, you old softie. And Kirk is just like

"Jim." "Bob." God they sound like used car salesmen at lunch.

ARE YOU SERIOUS KIRK. A VULCAN MIND TOUCH. Okay, apparently this is something possible? What? How is that even a thing? Well, at least Uhura can get in on all of this nonsense. Wouldn't it be hilarious if it wasn't intelligent at all? (Of course, this is Trek it'll probably be super intelligent or something.)

And then of course, there's now seven minutes left and Spock isn't done, and Kirk's like "yeah so I don't think this is possible or anything."

[this time it's me. and the crew of the Enterprise. and probably all 80 million people on the planet]

Go Spock! Even if this is super weird (does he really need to hold his arms out if he's using his mind? Oh well, whatever) at least he's managing to communicate with Majel Barrett. I mean the entity.

Wow, it's actually not super-intelligent, just reasonably so. This is pretty good.

The tension is going to murder me though.

I honestly wonder if the others on the bridge can hear what Spock is doing, or if to them he's just sitting there with his hands out dramatically.

Okay, I take that back, clearly Kirk knows, which is interesting. Seems like we're getting more of a hint of things between Kirk and Spock.

God the tension is insane here @_@

Oh thank god. The cloud creature finally gets it! Whew. I was literally just about to die right there. Or at least the Enterprise sure was. Damn y'all.

Lol Spock is not having this cloud's shit, dang. Basically telling it to GTFO. And wow, it's listening, dang. And now the Enterprise can also GTFO. I bet everybody's at least as relieved as I am.

The wonders of the universe, eh Spock?

Well, that was an interesting episode. Not too terrible. A lot of Captain FACE but not too bad on the storytelling. I'm sure it will only get worse from here XD. 8/10.